


My Body is a Cage

by frogsandrosbifs



Category: A Song of Ice and Fire - George R. R. Martin
Genre: Cersei is growing and her body is changing and it's messy and confusing, Gen, Puberty, Teenagers, bc she is both her and Jaime and therefore not really a woman and why is her body doing this, non binary Cersei, puberty thoughts, tldr : Cersei's body is not the same as Jaime's anymore and it's awfuk
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-14
Updated: 2014-03-14
Packaged: 2018-01-15 17:14:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 535
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1312804
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/frogsandrosbifs/pseuds/frogsandrosbifs
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Based on this post http://iwillnotcringe.tumblr.com/post/79472226548/theojoiegrise-non-binary-cersei-getting</p><p>drabble about Cersei's angry and confusing first period and puberty feels. She is a woman now and there is no escape.</p><p>
  <i>Cersei had almost burst into tears when she had woken up with her smallclothes soiled. A lioness did not cry though, so she had not actually shedded a tear, even when the maids had called her aunt. </i>
</p>
            </blockquote>





	My Body is a Cage

She had not expected it to hurt, not that much. Maybe she should have. After all, it was about bleeding.

Cersei had almost burst into tears when she had woken up with her smallclothes soiled. A lioness did not cry though, so she had not actually shedded a tear, even when the maids had called her aunt. She had never stopped thinking of Mother then ; this was a thing mothers talked about with their daughters. 

Even if Cersei was not fond of being a daughter.

She would rather get wounded in battle than just bleed every moon for not being Jaime. It felt like a punishment, just like the way her breasts were budding, just like the corsets that made her feel faint and constricted. How were they supposed to move in this ? It was  _painful_. There was no running through the Rock anymore, no escaping lessons to feel the sea wind on her face and tasting the salt in her mouth. And most of all, there was no taking Jaime's place anymore. 

He was flat and lean in every place where she was not. Jaime was changing too, but in the good way. It felt like she was growing weaker as he was growing stronger. Sometimes she hated him for it.

When she looked at herself naked in the mirror she did not see him anymore. It was still there in her face, but when she looked down she did not see her own body -- his as well as hers. Her breasts, her hips, her legs, her sex -- everything was foreign now.   Not long ago she had had the same legs, the same arms, most of all the same chest, as slim and flat at him. Not long ago she had been Jaime as much as she was Cersei. They were different now. It made her angry. The worse in that was that everyone else saw it too.

Of course she had been told that she would grow to be a beautiful woman, but somehow she had hoped to stay Jaime's double forever. It was still who she was inside, but her body had decided to betray her with moonblood and changing. It was not  _hers_. The way men looked at her made it worse . They did not look at her like they looked at Jaime, it was  _different,_ another thing that he did not have to suffer through and she did. They were the same person and nobody seemed to see it and she did not look like how she felt anymore.

She hated it. She wanted to be slim and flat again, she wanted to fit in Jaime's clothes and be mistaken for him. He would be leaving for Crakehall in a few days ; she was to go to King's Landing and find a husband. He would train and fight everyday and what would she do ? Act pretty, bow, smile -- ultimately,  _wait_.

When she heard her father talking about how she was ready to produce heirs, all she could think about was the stableboys talking about some mare. It made her feel so sick that she asked to be excused.

Her body felt like a cage and now there was no escaping.


End file.
